Exchange between a Doctor's Office and a Patient

“Hello, I would like to speak to Mr. Smith.”

“This is him.”

“Good morning, mr. Smith. I am calling from Dr. Herz` office. I am calling about the US$15,675.00 balance you have with us.”

“Well, let me explain something to you. There are two possibilities, that you may get paid, or you may not. If you do get paid, you might get paid on the short-term, mid-term or long-term. 89% of the people that pay bills on the long-term especially in my age group, do pay in installments. Out of these, about 43 % pay 50 % or more of the balance, which is left hanging. Considering my age group, there is a 32.5 % possibility that I would die before settling the balance. There are no guarantees. Also there is a 69.5 % possibility that people on my age group that leave this type of balance unpaid, actually do not have sufficient assets to settle the bill after death. Of the 50 % that do pay the balance, 38.2 % actually do it in 2 to 5 years.”

“Mr. Smith, you got me lost, I am asking a simple question, when you can pay the balance, that is all.”

“Let me finish my reasoning. About 75 % of the people who live in my area, who are in my age group, actually do have medical bills in excess of 15,000 dollars, with a standard deviation of 2.5. This is actually 13.2 % worse than the country’s average.”

“Thanks for enlightening me, Mr. Smith. I just want to know when Dr. Herz can expect the check, please make my life easy.”

“That depends, recent studies indicate that in times of economic upheaval such as this, there is a 32 % less likelihood that unsecured bills late in excess of 120 days will be paid. And nothing can be done about that, there is no way to solve this situation.”

“Mr. Smith, I am losing my patience. The dinero, the moolah, when can Dr. Herz expect the payment for your treatment, after all, services were perfectly provided, were they not?.”

“Well, dear, what is your name again?”

“Loretta, sir.”

“Loretta, let me read you Dr. Herz explanation of my disease. I also asked a simple question, what do I have and how to treat it. He said that are two possibilities, that I have Mensonge syndrome, or you it may be something else yet unidentified, a very rare disease. He said that 89% of the people that have Mensonge survive it on the long-term especially in my age group, but do have a slow decline in quality of life. Out of these, about 43 % survive beyond 50 % of the normal life expectancy for my age group. Also considering my age group, studies say there is a 32.5 % percentage that I would die a sudden death from an unrelated disease, if I do have Mensonge. There are no guarantees. However there is a 69.5 % possibility that people in my age group that do have unidentified diseases might actually die before the disease is identified. Of the 50 % that do survive such unidentified disease, 38.2 % actually die in 2 to 5 years due to heart problems. About 75 % of the people who live in my area, who are in my age group, actually do survive 7.5 years even in perfect health, with a standard deviation of 2.5. This is actually 13.2 % below the country’s average. That depends on other circumstances, for recent studies indicate that in times of economic upheaval such as this, there is a 32 % less likelihood that people with such unidentified diseases will survive more than 120 days. And nothing can be done about that, there is no treatment.”

“I don’t understand a thing you said.”

“Guess what, Loretta, neither do I. So my payment to Dr. Herz will be very similar to his diagnostic and treatment. Ask him whether he likes some of his own medicine. Have a good day.”